Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i now understand why vodka
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
