also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
