dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
