Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
