yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
