Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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