Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
