dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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