I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
