its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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