On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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