when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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