If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
