You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
