Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
