Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
