Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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