Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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