yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
