I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
