I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
