if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
