I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
