i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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