"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
