you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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