we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
