if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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