Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
