i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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