guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
