I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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