I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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