Whod you bang
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
