Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
