i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
