Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
