Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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