Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
