If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
