So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
