you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
