we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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