she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
