the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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