I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize