The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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