I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
