We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
