she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
