I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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