i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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