OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
