you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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