Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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