used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
