god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
