You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
