He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
