Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Green mimosas i think yes
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
