There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
