im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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