I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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