I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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