mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
