Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
