i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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