oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
