Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
