I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
