So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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