if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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