A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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