he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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