saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
