I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
