I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
