I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
