My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize