I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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