After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
