how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize